For Women

I say this from experience and I'm sure most of you will roll your eyes or think its not me, it wont happen to me, its different with me. Do not settle for less than you want, less than you need, less than you deserve. I understand the need to be there for someone you love, the need to help. I understand the thought that if you just love them enough, show them that they'll change. I understand the thought that they just need a little more time, and they'll change. First of all, a person will never change unless they want to. Love will not change them, just because you are a good woman and are there for them does not mean this will make them want to better themselves. They will only do this if it comes from deep within, if they are tired of being what they are and want to be better. This does not mean you were not enough to change them, it means it has to come from them. It has nothing to do with you. If you have problems when you are dating, if things annoy you to no end, things will not get better if..
A. You do whatever they want.
B. You change yourself to what they need.
C. You get engaged.
D. You get married.
E. You have children together.
F. You move in together.
All these things listed will only make it worse. The problems will get bigger. What annoyed you before will multiply by ten because they are always there and you will not get a break from it.
Now I understand the believe that love sticks thick and thin, good and bad, hard and easy. Which I myself agree. And though love is never easy and takes hard work. Love does not willingly hurt. Love sticks through those tough times but it also has to know when to let go. Don't confuse the for better or for worse to mean you must be miserable. Please think rationally before you move a relationship to the next level. Do I want to put up with this for the rest of my life. Resentment can chip away at things, don't let yourself be stuck in something you'll grow to resent.

The Confusion Of Relationships

The only keeping us from what we want, from what we need is our own fears, fear of hurting but does it really matter when you're already hurting, I doubt I can hurt any more. Fear of failure but failure brings lessons and if you never try how will you know if you would've failed or not. Sometimes chances have to be taken because you never know when something will be right. You can't tell the future and you can't know without trying.
I don't quite understand why we always do this. We fall for the wrong person. Whether its the one who is bad for you because they treat you wrong. Or the one who's nice, great but doesn't really see you. And you wonder if you like each other enough that you can spend time together without getting bored, talk without running out of subjects, and are even slightly attracted to each other. What is missing that they can only see you as a friend?
No one is perfect, no one will ever be perfect. Who wants to be perfect? What comes after perfect? Nothing you're done. There's nothing more to go for and nothing left to achieve. All we can do is be a good person, try to be there for friends, and use our brains. We all have issues but who doesn't, it's a fact of life.
Sometimes it seems life is easier when you're closed off to emotions. Knowing you could never fall and your heart wouldn't hurt. But sometimes there's really nothing you can do but accept that nothing more but friendship will come from the relationship. And even if it hurts and breaks your heart to never know what could have come from it, if you care enough about the person you'll take the bit you can get and wish them happiness, hope they find someone that makes them feel like they make you feel and always be there for them. And though at times the tears may come, don't let them see, just hold them back, put on a smile. You don't even have to fake a smile because its enough knowing they're happy even if its not with you.
Life is ironic, you hold yourself back for years to end up falling for that which you can't have. The irony of life makes me smile. Its beautifully bittersweet. You find someone who makes you smile without having to fake it while you're crying inside. And the funny thing is they'll never know and if they did it wouldn't change anything so it's better they don't.
There are those times you want to pour your heart out and ask for them to take a chance on you. But knowing it's better that you don't, you never will and you'll forever wonder what could have been.

Unrequited Emotions

If we unrestricted ourselves and did what we felt, how would things be? Change for us? Why do we think that if we let our wants and needs, emotions, feelings loose we'd make the wrong choice? What if the right choice would come from doing what our heart wanted instead of doing the rational, logical thing all the time?
Why is it wrong to want to experience something you never have before even if it eventually means it wont stay forever. Why do we often suppress what we want? Who says it would be wrong if you don't even try? All our lives we've suppressed what we've wanted and it does us no good. Sometimes life is difficult to understand.
Sometimes random sets of circumstances lets you find someone who makes you smile, makes you laugh, makes you mad, makes you feel, cry and hurt, makes you warm inside and think and forget. Someone you enjoy spending time with and can talk about anything with. And ironically at the same time you can't let yourself go, let your emotions fly and see what happens. Fear cripples the heart but sometimes its not just the fear. Sometimes you can't quite tell them how you feel as it would be impossible to put into words. Or that person doesn't see you or doesn't see you in quite the same way you see them.
Can we really fall for a person when they can't or wont fall for you? A person unwilling to catch you if you do? Should we? Holding on to hope, hope that we've never allowed ourselves before because we've learned the hard way that hope can disappoint us. Finding something that you've always wanted to find though never admitted it to yourself until you found it and not being able to have it, have a go at it. And knowing that if you were just given a chance even if it didn't work out it'd mean so much.
Feelings are just to much work sometime. Specially when you spend so much time trying to suppress them.

Feelings

Feelings are a part of life. Happiness, sadness, fear and an endless list of others that would take most of the page to list. When we feel we live. We're alive. We want. We need. It shows us we're here and how to tell reality from everything else. Sadness should be embraced as opposed to coward from because we're at least feeling something. Life is full of disappointments and the small things that bring you a little bit of happiness. We chase happiness but we don't learn from happiness, we learn from it all. We mainly learn from the hard times, that's how we learn to appreciate the good times. And the tears wash away the hurt, the pain until it clears away the fog so you can see the small things that are worth all the pain. Sometimes it seems life is made of disappointments and life never gives you what you want. Maybe we should stop focusing on all the bad we get, on the things we want and can never go for and appreciate we have. I know most of my blogs are filled with optimism, one of those just wait it'll happen, eventually it'll be your turn and I know sometimes optimism gets kind of tiring. Specially when it seems you have nothing to be optimistic about. But there is always someone who has it worse. Pity parties do no good. We have a jobs that pays the bills even though sometimes we find it sucks, a place to live, money, food, clothes, necessity and some wants. Most have good friends. Sometimes you think is that all but that's more than most have.

Courage

What is it with us that even when the threat of failure is taken out of the equation we still can't sum up enough courage to go for something we really want? What is courage anyway? The absence of fear or knowing you're afraid and still doing it? How do we get up the courage to go for something we want when everything else tells you, you shouldn't? Should you listen to everything else or yourself? Or should you take both factors into account? And how do we know if we're nervous or if is just adrenaline rush or how this things makes you feel? There are so many feelings we don't have names for and so many that feel so alike yet are completely different things. How do we know which one it is we are feeling? Maybe its time we stopped hoping for someone else to take the responsibility off our shoulders. Wishing on an imaginary thing that has no consciousness let alone power to give us what we want. And know that the only person that can make what you want happen is, you. That if you want something that bad you should screw the consequences and do it.

Philosophers, Art, Knowledge

Has the fact that we have let ourselves, our cultures advance scientifically ruined our philosophical future? We've industrialized our lives, our brains to the point that we cannot open our minds to ponder great philosophical questions. Or is it that all the great philosophical questions have already been asked? The greatest philosophers have long been gone from this world, Plato, Socrates, Aristotle. We that are so much more advanced than the time that bore them, why is it that we cannot also bore a great philosopher? Could we really name a person from our time, our generation, our century that could be held up to their standards? That could be named with the great philosophers of all time? And knowing this, are we really more advanced than the civilizations of our ancestors. Civilizations that created great works of arts, architectures and philosophies while ours is concerned with the latest celebrity train wreck or fashion idea? It shames me that we think ourselves better, more advanced than these people that came before us when we've let our brains rot. We follow what we're told while they stood out and boldly asked and wondered and searched. Scientifically, we are more advanced, we have cures for things they couldn't even imagine but somewhere, somehow we lost our thirst for knowledge, our brains became a novelty and ideas became about what could sell the most. Look at the great pyramids of Egypt, the ruins of ancient Rome and Greece. Can any of our structures even be put in the same sentence as those? Will ours stand the test of time and will our future generations in a thousand years from now look at what we've made and be inspired, be proud, be amazed as we are by these?

Emotions, Wants, Needs, Risks And What Ifs

I find it funny how we go through life just going with the motions and running or hiding from anything that would potentially cause us pain. And how when you least expect it, it smacks you in the face. How you build walls around you to not let anyone close enough, so they wont matter enough because when they get close enough that they matter is when they have the potential to hurt you, even when they don't mean to. Life is full of pain but the funny part is, that which could potentially cause you the greatest pain is that which gives you the greatest joy. We spend most of our lives behind a wall, burying them, numb. When the walls break its over-whelming. Could it be less over-whelming to someone who never closed off their feelings or themselves. Sometimes it feel as if we'll drown in them, so many pouring over us at once like a wave ten feet tall, falling on us. But the pain and the feeling of being completely over-whelmed is worth it for the small joys we find in life. The beauty of a flower or the serenity of the ocean when the sea is calm and the stars are out, the moon is shinning reflecting off the sea. The warmth a small touch can give. When you see a person you like and they look at you in a way that warms you up inside. When you think you cant feel and you find that one simple look from someone can send everything crumbling. Knowing that someone can get in enough to matter enough to be able to make you sad, or cry, or hurt, or happy is worth it. Because its a part of life, a part of happiness. To know most of the times you cry now is not because you're sad but because you can actually be happy. Because without emotions you're not really living.
Sometimes you meet someone who makes you feel so much you're completely baffled at what most of what they're making you feel is. And being completely frustrated but at the same time knowing you're blessed because before you could feel nothing. Also wondering if you should just leave it alone or try to figure it out. Would you like what you find or would it just be more frustrating?
Sometimes we wonder if we ever met the person who we think would be right for us, if they would think we were right for them too. When we search ourselves sometimes the answer will disappoint us as often times we still have things to work out before we could be what they need.

A good relationship is someone you can share your ups, your downs, and your dreams with and someone you can share in the building of those dreams with.
Sometimes you need to take a risk and go for something you really want even if you're scared. It's better than forever being plagued with the what ifs. But what do you do when its not an irrational fear stopping you. What if the consequence could be as big or bigger than forever having that what if floating above your head, tormenting you? Like if you meet someone who makes you feel so good and you wonder how would it feel like to kiss them, to hold them? What would you feel when a simple touch makes you feel so much? Would you feel anything from a simple kiss when you never have before? Should you live with the what if or should you risk it?
Some wont let themselves risk it and will never know what could have been.

Speaking From The Heart

When people choose to destroy themselves by choosing to do the wrong thing, it hurts those close to them. But they wont see, don't see or just don't care. They think its just about them and that they deserve the bad happening to them, so they seek it out. Everyone has a choice, it's unfortunate that some choose the path that leads to self-destruction. Maybe some humans are weaker than others but everyone has the strength in them if they really try. Why they wont try is whats mind boggling. Everyone deserves happiness and good until they do something that costs them their soul, so to speak. When they choose to loose the light in them, let go of it. Its just hard understand why someone would. I know I've had moments when the world seems cruel, heartless and cold but even then I never lost that. I never choose to do what I knew was wrong. I choose to comfort people instead of hurt them.
It is something some will never understand and a crack will forever be in those hearts knowing someone we deeply care about choose the path of destruction and has now lost themselves. I know we all have potential for evil, light and dark, we need both for balance. Some have a bit more of one than the other but its painful when someone close to you chooses to completely let the darkness engulf them.
These are my favorite quotes and why I personally find it hard to understand when people choose to let pain overcome them:

Sadness has overcome us all. Either caused by a relative or close friend's death or from the girl who broke our heart. We all handle situations differently, some good, some bad. But what makes us who we are is not defined by our times of happiness, but by our times of sadness.

"I can be changed by what happens to me. I refuse to be reduced by it."
Maya Angelou
"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."
Winston Churchill

I don't know who said the first one but I agree. No ones perfect, we all make bad choices, that's how we truly learn. But there are the extremely wrong choices. The choices that makes our hearts bleed for the fact that these people we loved don't exist anymore. Its worse than mourning for a dead loved one as though they're gone you still have them in your heart. The memories of those good times together. But seeing them around, this shell that looks like the person who you'd given everything to help, everything for, seeing them destroying themselves, the good memories replaced by the things done now. This is much worse, they are not dead but their sense of self is. We mourn for the good they were and the good they did and the good they could have done, if they hadn't let the evil in them win. We mourn and our hearts bleed. We cry knowing that our tears can't wash away the things they've done. We cry because we tried but couldn't help them win the battle waged in them. And we hope that somehow, someday they will atone. Whether in this life or the next. That somehow they win back their soul. Knowing we will always care and for this fact their hurting themselves will always hurt. Their hurting others will always be painful to us. We will always have a crack in our hearts for these people that seem to have fallen into this bottomless pit. But we must live our lives and move on. Go on to have relationships and add friendships, to better ourselves and others' lives but we will always care and it will always hurt that they've destroyed themselves.

Difficulties

What is with us? It seems never want the easy. Always the difficult. Maybe if we did the easy once in a while we wouldn't be so frustrated all the time. Okay, that's not true. The easy is okay for a small amount of time but always ends up being the wrong thing. Its because when you have to work for it, and work hard you know it's worth it. The easy is never worth it. The harder it is the more its worth. But damn if wouldn't be nice for the easy to be worth it. The difficult is intriguing, its exciting. The frustration adds to the adrenaline rush. So, although I might complain at times. I know though difficult it's worth it.

My Pearls Of Wisdom(Yes, I occasionally get them)

You never know the surprises life brings in the most unexpected packages. Sometimes the right thing is right under your nose.

One must try new things in order to achieve because if you don't you never know what could have been. When a door closes a window opens but its up to you to see it for the possibility it is and go through it.

Most of the time what we want is not what we need and what we need is not what we want. But what we get is what we should have. One must not be picky because sometimes what we think is a rock is really a diamond. It just needs a good polish now and then and a good eye to see it for what it truly is. A good heart to understand , we shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Sometimes the ones that seem like the opposite of what you want can surprise you if you really take the time to read between the lines.

Love is sometimes like an ocean. Its depth is unknown. What lurks beneath is a mystery. Its vastness is indescribable. It can be a source of great pleasure and great pain. Great beauty and great tragedies. It will never be tamed. Never be conquered. Never be controlled. One can only go with the motions and hope for the best but that doesn't mean we should stop from preparing for the storm.

Blessing or Curse

Sometimes you get so detached from life. You loose who you are. You go on numb as a machine, feeling nothing at all. Then someone comes along and breaks down those walls that you so carefully built. And you don't know what to do, its all cascading on you. Years of pent up feelings. Rushing through like a river, the current so strong. You're drowning in past and present emotions. Confused whether this is good or bad. Having to learn how to deal all over again. Is this a blessing or a curse?

Why

Why do we always want the unattainable? We know its more likely for us to win the lottery than for that certain thing we want to happen. But we still can't stop ourselves from wanting it. Deep down we know only in our wildest dreams would this happen and in reality its a near impossibility. Still we can't help but hope. So how could we suppress our wants? Should we? Why do we cling to the hopeless? The hurtful? Things we are better without? Sometimes hope is necessary for our survival. It helps us strive and though most often than not we fall, we're better for it.

Life

We need to understand that we have live my life with no regrets, to do what we want not what others think we should. We need to think of ourselves first and last and have no one come before us. Love ourselves for who we are and not get down on ourselves. To remind ourselves more often that we are beautiful and to look good for ourselves and no one else. We should not always rush into things, sometimes thinking things through is best. We should do our best to accomplish the goals we have set for ourselves and remember that we are good enough to have the things we want in life. Everyone has been hurt in the past we should stop harboring hate as we only hurt our self when we do this and let go, let ourselves heal. Life shouldn't be all work, we need to have a balanced life and that means allowing for fun, treat ourselves more often. Sometimes the pain gets too much to bear but we should not close ourselves or we'll miss out on great things life has to offer. We need to let ourselves feel, even if it means I'll get pain sometimes. Though at times it is easier to go through life with a mask, sometimes you need to show the real you. How will you get what you want if who you pretend to be is the opposite. Its more tiring living life always having to be someone else than to let the real you be free.
We should never settle, wait for someone who's worth what we have to give. People disappoint you. You try to think the best of them, be there for them. But in the end most don’t factor anyone Else's feelings but their screwed up ones. I guess its something you have to deal with but that does not mean it is your fault and that definitely does not mean you should put up with it.

Laws

Our laws are made for a reason. For the protection of all that live in this nation. What happens when those we entrust to uphold those laws decide this time they’ll wait a little time before they start doing their job. I’ll tell you what happens. A little girl is sexually assaulted and murdered. A seven yr old looses her innocence and her life. A mother and father loose their daughter. A baby looses its big sister, it’ll never get to know. When a child, specially a really young one, is reported missing, its presumed they have been kidnapped. You don’t sit on your ass and wait till morning to do what you’re paid for. You immediately put out an amber alert. You immediately go out and search. A block and a half away this little girl was found. A life not only lost to a soul less sorry excuse for a human being but due to incompetence. Every minute counts. RIP. I hope she did not suffer too much and may she be in gods hands. And prayers out to the family.

What Do We Really Look For In A Person & A Relationship

Initial attraction is great. The tingles sent through your body with a simple touch, the rapid beat of your heart one look can warrant. But after the initial heat of attraction or feelings or a crush, what do you have? Why do we settle for a heat that will eventually flicker and die? For looks instead of whats inside. We're all guilty of it. We have this list of wants and we settle for someone with none of it or maybe just one or two. Mainly the shallow things. We strive for the unattainable and settle for the easy. Why don't we try for something in between. Why don't we forgo the shallow and go for depth. Is that why so many relationships end? Why there is so much divorce? We get caught up in the heat and ignore our brain or heart. When we're single we know what we want but as soon as someone shows their attraction for us it goes out the door. Either we settle for fear of loneliness or we shut them down because they don't look exactly like we wanted even though they have most of what you want. want a person that stimulates my mind as well as my body. Someone that i can be me around, the good, the bad, the silly, the serious, all aspects of me, not just some. Someone i can have in depth conversations with where i can say what i really think and not leave things out for fear of what they'll think. A person i can disagree with and not tip toe around for fear of what will happen when we argue. A person that thinks for themselves. A person who fully beliefs in what they believe because they've thoroughly thought it out instead of following the herd. A person who's open minded but doesn't back down from their beliefs because of what you might think. A person who's smart, caring, who makes me laugh. A person who makes my skin flush, makes my stomach flutter, makes my brain muddled at the same time they make it think and search. Someone who's passionate about certain things they like. Someone who's down to earth. Someone I'm comfortable around. So why do we settle? Why should we?

Fear & The What Ifs In Life

Why is it so ingrained in us to be afraid to give things a try? To go for the things we really want in life. The fear consumes our lives so much we settle, instead going for what is harder but so much more worth it. We fear rejection or failure so we give up or just don't try at all. Then we're forever riddled with those nagging thoughts. The what if i had gone through with it? Would i be happier? Would i have been good at it. Would the person have seen it my way? Would feelings be returned? Why are we so afraid of that we automatically assume the negative will happen. The worse that can happen is you fail but you can dust yourself off, work harder & try it again. Or that you get rejected but life doesn't end & it will take away the what ifs you'll forever live with if you don't. I rather try & fail than have those what ifs linger in my mind forever. Things wont always go your way but sometimes they will. Wouldn't you want to know if this is one of those times that will? In the end all we have to fear is fear.
Life is full of never ending changes. You would think one would be used to this. But we dig our heels in the ground trying not to budge. Whats is it about change that we fear? Is it the uncertainty? We are so used to things being a certain way, even though the change might be better we’re opposed. Not really knowing whats coming. Sometimes change is just what we need. If we don’t try it who knows what great things we’ll miss. Most of us live our lives in a bubble. Too scared to leave our comfort zone. We miss so much of life. We need to stop letting fear rule us and pop that bubble. Live life to the fullest. You can’t redo this life. Don’t let yourself have regrets. Change is extremely hard but worth it in the end. But don’t change for anyone. Do it for yourself.

The Media & Females

Why is society obsessed with weight? Why do we keep letting the media send the next generations women the message that happiness is skinniness. That how they look is not beautiful unless they're unhealthily thin. That they wont be successful and men wont want them unless they change who they are. That they need to starve themselves, get dangerous surgeries, and whore themselves out to be loved. Our ancestral females fought too hard and long to give us all the freedoms we have now for us to through it away degrading ourselves, letting others degrade us. We are all beautiful no matter what we look like and what really matters is inside. Looks are fleeting your personality is forever. If you're rotten inside no one will stand you for long. So why do we let the media teach women that they need to be perfect look wise. That its okay to act dumb to get a man as long as you throw up enough to loose enough weight that you make yourself sick. The ends justify the means after all. We have changed so much for ourselves Why don't we change this? Show the younger generation we are worth more. The only reason this is still a mans world is because we wont stand up and fight anymore. We don't unite like we used to. We let the few bring down the whole. If we didn't buy it, pay attention to it they'd have no cause to plaster it everywhere. They only plaster what sells. If it doesn't make money they quickly change it to something that will. Can't we bring fourth a generation of leaders instead of followers. We are all beautiful no matter you're weight, height, color, hair, eyes, nose. I'm not saying one should be unhealthily obese. Just that no matter what we look like we're all beautiful. Lets get to our healthy weight and stop listening to the media. Wear what you like not whats in. Don't change yourself for anyone but yourself. Love who you are. Screw the media.